I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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