What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
