Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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