if i died would you start the facebook group?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
