omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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