As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
