You smell like stripper and shame
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
