so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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