He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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