we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
