Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
