all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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