A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
