I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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