having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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