My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
