singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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