I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
