I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
