everyone is single if you try hard enough
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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