My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
