The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
