There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
