I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize