Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
