That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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