He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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