So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
