How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
