I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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