we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize