I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
