Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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