you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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