Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
