big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize