I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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