You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I smell stomach acid.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
