I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
