College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
