Can i not drive my cunt home
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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