The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
