i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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