You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
