Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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