I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this boner is exhausting
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize