See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
