so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
