When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
