I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
