They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
