I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
