the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize