It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
