I think my fart just growled at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love accidental penises.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
