he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
