Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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