im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
