is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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