I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
