My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
