Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
