I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
