I understand Curling. That high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
