I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
