Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
