Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
