So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
