garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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