PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
