cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
