I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
