yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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