I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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