Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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