i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
