thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
