i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
