I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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