the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
