The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
