I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
