I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
