we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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