i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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