omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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