i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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