i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
