Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
