all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
