Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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