At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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