Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
