I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
