I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
