I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
