just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize