I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
