my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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