8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
