My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
